The Birth of Love

The moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew it was going to take some planning to prepare myself for the future to come. I was so nervous and didn’t even know how to start planning or what I needed to do to be ready.

Leading up to my delivery date I had a birth plan and my bags packed and ready next to the car seat. My pregnancy had a lot of complications I wasn't expecting. around the beginning of my third trimester I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and high blood pressure. I had to limit what I ate and poke myself 4 times a day to check my glucose levels, it was a very unpleasant experience. Then there was my blood pressure I had to check daily and keep a log of my numbers, then it got closer to my due date and the doctors didn't like the numbers they were seeing so I was scheduled for an induction at 39 weeks.

Making my way into the hospital I was really nervous, I could feel all my anxiety and fears creeping up at once, and I was soo emotional. We checked in on August 26th and 8pm, we were brought up to our room where we settled in and made ourselvves comfortable, it also had a nice view of the city. Babe was hungry of course and so we ended up ordering some food, my last meal before delivery time. It was a slow night, I was only 4mm dialated, so there was no baby coming until tomorrow. The next morning was a waiting game too, but I was getting more and more excited to meet my little one. The pitocin was administered and we just hung out while we waiting for my body to get to work.

To be honest, I couldn't feel my contractions at first, the monitor was showing some pretty intense ones, but I wasn’t really feeling any serious pain so I wanted to wait it out until I absolutely needed the epidural. The day went by and we just waited, then around 7pm I got up to use the bathroom and when I was laying back in bed I felt my water break, this was my first pregnancy with my first kid so when it happened I told the nurse it felt like I just peed myself. After that I definetly started feeling those contractions! The pain was like my period cramps cranked up to a 10, and I was squeezing the side of the bed and focusing so hard on my breathing, after about the 5th one I decided it was time for that epidural before it was too late.

Getting the epidural was very intimidating, the amount of doctors that came into the room made me so nervous. But I understood how serious it was that it was done correctly, if not there could be some serious consequences to my body. Its so crazy how they basically paralyze you from the waist down, but it did help with the pain of those contractions. The only thing I didn't like was not being able to get up and walk around, I was just stuck laying there like a blob. To speed up the process the nurses wanted me to stay laying on my side, so every 30 minutes I was rotating from one side to the next. My cervix was dialating so slowly, it took all day long, around 9pm I was about 9mm dialated so the nurse asked me to try and start pushing. It was very awkward because of the epidural I couldn't feel anything so I was trying my hardest to push but my cervix was not budging. Apparently there was something complicating my cervix to fully open up when I was pushing, the doctor tried with her hands to help the opening stretch more but there was some concerns about the babys safety.

So then my doctor left the room and came back with the cesarean surgeon who suggested that the safest route for me and my baby was to preform a c-section. It was by far the scariest decision I would ever have to make, as much as I wanted to deliver vaginally, my daughters safety was all that mattered. I could just see the stress and fear in my boyfriends eyes, he joked about the baby being too big and me having to get a c-section before but defintely didn't want it to happen. I was terrified, I was going through a major surgery, I trusted my doctors completely, but in the back of my mind I knew there was always a chance of there being more complications.

So they brought me all my consent forms and paperwork to sign and once that was done I was being prepped and ready for surgery. I've heard before that many people don't completely remember their delivery process, I remember every second of mine! I was strolled down to the elevator where we went up the the surgical floor, we entered a room with about 8-10 doctors inside, the room was packed full. I was transferred from the bed I was on to the surgical bed with the help of some doctors since I couldn't feel my legs. Next to the bed was a chair for my boyfriend to sit next to me and hold my hand. They drapped a sheet accross my body from the waist down that blocked my view and to create a sterile feild. The anesthesiologist was on the other side of me explaining the process of the anesthesia and how he will be monitoring my vitals the entire time and to let him know if anything was wrong.

Once I was administered the drugs I needed to get through the surgery, they tested my reflexes to make sure everything was working the way it was supposed to. Then it was cutting time, I didn't feel the incision at all, but when it came to stretching me open and getting babygirl out I could feel everything, and was screaming in pain, I guess not all the drugs kicked in all the way or maybe my body had some kind of tollerance. When they finally got her out, I could feel the drugs even stronger or maybe I was in shock, but I was definetly high, and I remember the only thing I cared about was hearing her cry. It was the first thing I said was, "where is her cry, is she okay?" Then I heard her little screaming cry and tears filled my eyes, my babygirl was here! sadly I was too out if it to hold her myself but I got to see her little face as she was brought right next to mine by her dad.

In conclusion no matter how you bring a new life into the world, if its naturally, or with the help of pain meds, at home, with a doula, or a whole surgical team, the entire process is a beautiful thing! You brought a new life into the world, that completely changes everything in your life. I never even knew what love felt like until I held my babygirl in my arms. Everyday waking up to her is a true blessing, and I would do it all over again if I could.

I was inspired to write this little article of mine because I’ve constantly heard people debating whether or not giving birth via c-section is technically giving birth. I mean I get the viewpoint from both sides, no I did not push my babygirl out but I still went through a major process to bring a tiny little human being into the world and in my opinion it shouldn’t be considered any different!